High Low

Me being a nerd and by the way Darth Mal you are hot!!!












So here I am at 3 in the morning once again wondering what to do and really wanting to talk to some one and realized that i guess the computer will do. As much fun as it is to make love to a computer people are much better at it... As i sit here and listen to my i tunes and download more songs (not like I really need more what am I thinking) I wonder what it would be like to discover things no one has ever discovered before. Yeah I am not tired and you all get to suffer for any of you who actually sit here and read this.
So I am going to tell you the highs and lows of this week.

Highs here we go... I went to work out last night and because of being on so many freakin meds. I am on this new diet that I like to call the pregnant diet so I have lost like ten more pounds than i needed to. Now I need to bulk up. Other highs I am going to be a total nerd and join the Alpine Garrison ( for all those non nerds out there give me a buzz i will tell you what it is lol), and on Saturday I went to the kids safty fair and wanted to make out with darth Mal because he was so freakin hot even though you the horns would probably get in the way and man that lightsaber need I say more ha wow. I made out with a random guy because I am totally on the rebound and just wanted to kiss someone I guess and it was totally funny, awkward and great now that that is out of my system lol. Oh and I am getting back into Martial arts I so rule oh yeah you better run now boy.

Ok now some lows. i nicked my leg really bad the other night when shaving and it really hurt because it was in a sensitive spot. I made a couple people fight with each other which I could probably put that in the highs too lol. It snowed again. I can't golf (because it snowed). and I ripped a hole in my superman g's damn.

Well that is pretty much it for my ever exciting life yall have fun in blog land LOVE YA!!!

Poems

Ok so not many people have heard these but I was told that they were really good, I think those people were lying. Most of these were written in a really dark time in my life and I got out by putting it on paper so read with caution. LOL

Confusion

I don't understand this anger inside,
why will he get mad at me but then hide.
Why wont he talk , why wont he share,
it's seems as if he just doesn't care.

I say to much I know this is true,
I just want us to be happy not blue.
I want him to be happy, I want him to smile,
for that treasure and joy I have not witnessed in a while.

I feel the darkness deep within,
the kind that is there beneath your skin.
When will it snap, when will it break free,
I am not sure thats something I want to see.

I am here for him, he doesn't understand,
I reach for him and grab his hand,
instead he turns away from me again.
Alone in the darkness where i have always been.

Someone, somewhere set us free,
from this ever dying misery.
Oh please i am begging to have help to get out,
I want a reason to stop this bout.
Please!!!


Like I said sad and dark but there it is beware there are more lol

Time

If time stood still, would I stand still with it?
Would I be there wondering where time had gone and done?
or would it be just a matter of time,
till life fast forward.
But if life fast forward, would we all stop questioning,
Why, What, How, or When?
Won't question the why or the how, when the what is right in front of you!!!


Tears

At one time I thought the stars were for me,
but it was just false, just a dream.
I awoke to a cruel reality,
Life; my life, what i had thought was myth was myth.
A pasifist living an activists life!!!
Or so I thought.
Only to realize my life had passed by me.
So now I sit here wondering what more could go wrong,
Oh but i was so off there so much more could.
WHAT WAS I THINKING.


Hands of my Angels

I have placed you in the hands of my angels,
to watch over you,
with all of the love i have in my heart
may they comfort you with their guiding love,
and surround you with a protective light, that will show you the way.
I have asked that they stay with you,
through this troubled time to make it less painful,
just as they have done at times for me.
I have placed you in the hands of my angels,
May they watch over you,
With all the love I have in my heart.

Poems done by Brittany S. Nester

See was that to sad? LOL have fun all you out in blogger land.

Changes

So due to some of my friends telling me that like every third one in my 100 was depressing, desperate, loserish, foolish, nonconvincing, and probably more but thats what was told to my face. I decided to go through and edit it and Make it Bigger Better and Uncut. Thats me and for all of you who read it and think it still stinks well lets see you do better...And yes I think that I am self concious about me.....

MONEY TALKS IN THIS WORLD, THAT'S WHAT IDIOTS WILL SAY. BUT YOU'LL FIND OUT THAT THIS WORLD IS JUST AN IDIOTS PARADE...

100

Just Me Like 100 Just me's

1. I have a son name Logan who is four
2. I was married to my best friend
3. I was married for four years
4. I have been divorced for about a year
5. I dated a man who was about twice my age (why I don't know he wasn't even wealthy)
6. My favorate color is blue
7. I love movies
8. I love cheesy movies like Disney channel ones they make me smile
9. I am a brown belt third degree in Tae Kwan Do
10. I love to shoot guns even if I can't remember all their names.
11. I love to listen to the same song over and over again if it is a good one
12. I have like over 14,000 songs in my itunes
13. I don't sleep much
14. I feel so much closer to my sister in law than I do my own sister
15. I love people and talking to them, Unless it is a cute guy then I get shy, maybe that is why I am single.
16. I am a mormon mommy I scrapbook and I love it
17. I absolutly love going on long trips in the car it sooths me
18. My dad is my hero
19. I don't think I am funny at all
20. In fact I think I am annoying
21. I use humor when I am sad to distract myself
22. I am OCD
23. My dvd's have to be perfect can't stand when some are missing it bugs me
24. I hate to clean though
25. I have about fifty posters under my bed and about eight on my bedroom walls
26. I loved my job at Hollywood video but I would never go back
27. I have lied alot in my past (but i do not any more)
28. I cannot by bras outside of Victoria Secret (i am an expensive bra person).
29. I love to kiss whether it is short, long, messy, sweet, romantic I love it
30. I could probably out burp most guys
31. I love comics my sons name is Logan James
32. I want a baby girl
33. If I get one her name will be Phoenix Grey
34. I love comic book shops
35. I love nerds
36. I like anything that is shiny I like technology
37. I am a big gamer
38. At one point i had an xbox, ps2, psp, gamecube, nintendo ds, gameboy advance, and a pc
39. I have 7 hard drives in my computer and don't know what half of them do
40. I went to Germany to pick up my oldest brother from his mission
41. I have always looked up to my brother Tyson and he has always been so cool
42. I have known my best friend since i was one
43. I secretly want to play with barbie's and lego's again
44. I got married before i graduated high school
45. I got pregnant after i got married but before i graduated high school
46. I love being outdoors and campfires

47. I hate confrontations
48. I am really self contious and have always been told Bethany is the pretty one 49. I sleep in boxers (usually no undies underneath hey they are guys underwear right so why should I wear two pairs...)
50. I want a guy to fight for me for a change
51. I am somewhat clingy and know I need to fix that
52. My parents thought i had died when I had my first seizure at two
53. I am an epileptic
54. I am a total nerd and am proud of it
55. I love the 49ers and Utah football teams
56. I absolutly love the beach and could live there
57. my destination of choice would be any cruise
58. I love roller coasters even the cheesy ones at Lagoon.
59. I really don't have any original lines I get them all from movies or stand up comedians
60. I am really baby hungry lol (if you want to know ask)
61. I am sick of working with kids don't think I will ever do it again HAHAHA
62. I love school
63. I love stores like wild oats but realistically I would starve if I had to shop there (no fritos Bean Dip).
64. I think I have a really cool car and I really am not lying even though it really is a POS, it has served me well it is my baby

65. When i buy toys for my son I buy toys that I want to play with too
66. I really like when it rains outside at night and i can hear it outside my window
67. I love marzipan
68. I am like your average girl with shoes except i want all skater shoes like vans and dc who cares about the pumps...
69. I really want to learn how to skateboard
70. I have played and beaten every tony hawk game out there
71. My favirate number is two
72. I LOVE HAVING RED HAIR
73. My ex husband is a computer god in my eyes
74. I love t-shirts
75. I get most of my t-shirts on the sales racks in the little boys section at target
76. my favorate store is HotTopic
77. Next is the vans store
78. I have to have pillows and blankets all over my bed so it feels like someone is there with me (even when someone is there with me)
79. I love hanging out with friends, even if they don't want me around
80. I can't stand it when someone else uses my computer, I feel like it is my computer get your own computer...
81. I am overly emotional i cry at everything it is a flaw, like any chick flick I know going in I am going to cry it sucks I might as well be crying over a damn comercial
82. I used to go into Hollywood video not to rent but just to talk with the people 83. I would love to be a movie critic
84. But I hate horrors
85. I am very squeemish
86. I went and saw both Pokemon and Rugrat movies in the theatre on opening day
87. and yet I love Kevin smith LOVE HIM...
88. I love to watch people I used to go to the airport when you could and go sit and watch people
89. I really want a dog
90. I love to play Texas hold em just for fun not for the money
91. I love to sing and dance with my cool Skullcandy headphones on in my house when I am alone and have been caught doing it by the fed ex guy very embarrassing.

92 I love to sing in the car with my stereo blaring and with that I don't care who sees

93 I am dislexic so if anything is misspelled screw you
94. I have been drunk before very overated
95. I love to smile but I hate my smile
96. I had braces for six years
97. My teeth still aren't straight
98. I have had over 400 beanie babies at one time I don't buy them anymore but they still catch my eye
99. I have broke all ten toes at one time
100. I am very coordinated but i get hurt alot lol
101. I almost got shoved in my locker in seventh grade

Well Thats alot not everything but alot if you want to know more let me know... And yes I went 101 because its one louder it goes to 101.

Its a wierd world

So I am just really bored and not tired since it is like 12. Well i thought I would tell you how the beggining of this year has been so far. The good the bad and the ugly.

So to start off the New Year I missed the great party that I used to go to with James at Pc Laptops, as well as the cool Christmas party. I love having all the apple cider that my dad buys which he buys like twenty so we had plenty to go around and overall my new years was relativly boring. No parties no junk food(ok thats a lie LOL) but I did watch a few movies to pass the time. If only.

Later on January I had to quit my job and I was not able to go back to school because at the moment I cannot drive (which has been interesting in itself). In quitting my job i realized how much stressed was relieved because i could do so much with Logan and do more at home. The middle of January my great uncle got really sick and was in icu for along time. Which this hit me really hard because i really spent time with him this year because their house was down the street from my college. So when i had breaks I would go there and say hi and talk and eat lunch and got to know him better. They are an amazing family and i hated what they had to go through with him. I love him very much and it was really hard to lose him. One of the hardest things for me is that because of my seizures I didn't even get to go to the funeral. I know that funerals can be overrated but for me it is a closure moment and I missed that I feel like I have failed on so many levels. He is one man though that I know right now he is up with our Father in Heaven smiling down upon us because he is no longer in pain.

I told you all about my seizure situation so I wont really go into that again, but after the whole breaking the nose incident this guy that I had dated decided to break up with me. So I kind of felt like it was a sure kick me while I was down sort of thing. I then realized that I am much happier and that we were not meant to be at all. And I had some great friends to bring me through thanks guys.

I have made some really good friends and have had some friends really step up to help me. My friend Jeri is a stay at home mom too so we go to lunch and I tag along with her while she goes grocery shopping and other not really fun errands but better than sitting at home. She also dies my hair and lets me chill at her house.

My other friend Becky has gone with me to many movies on the spur of the moment. Also out to eat to Ihop because Denny's they place me at a table and forget about me. Plus I go over to Becky's house and will sit and toalk to her and her family and they tollerate me.

I also have these really cool new neighbors who moved in next to Becky who tollerate me as well. I kind of pop over unanounced and they gave me a new phone and would give me tea untill there replacement babysitter broke their tea maker. Thats what they get for trying to replace me... The are really cool and funny to talk to nonetheless.

I have my friend Ed and his family they are pretty cool to let me go over and pretty much hang at there house almost 24/7. It is some what a sanctuary when i need it nice, and friendly. Plus we have alot of laughs and stupid inside jokes that make us laugh and the boys they crack me up so much. They make me laugh and are awesome kids.

Logan is doing great he knows that something is going on with me because he is very protective of me and he minds me better. Soon he will be playing soccer and he chose that because my next door neighbor plays it. He got shin gaurds socks and a new socker ball to use he is so excited. He is such a character and amazes me everyday. He is my joy in life my one and only. I don't know where i would be without him, he is fabulous.

I also have to give a shout out to my Dad. I know he is over protective of me and my pill nazi but I know it is just because he loves me and wants me to be happy. He has been my saving grace sometimes and he is truely my hero. For all of you in comic land my dad is the real thing the ral deal and no one can replace that. He is great, no words can describe what he means to me. My dad is the greatest that ever walked the face of this earth and if you think other wise I would be glad to take your challenge.

Anyone who has seen me within the last few days can tell I am on 4 pills because of my seizures and with that comes side effects. I am either really tired or I am really Hyper and I can't stop talking or moving and some might think it is annoying but I am sorry I really can't help it. I know that I wont be finding a date for Valentines day because I am rather annoying right now but I don't need one I have everything. If you don't believe me look at the smile in my face. I really do love life in all its trials and tribulations. I live for the moment and love every one i come across. Love you all